Kom Ombo Crocodile Museum: Sobek’s Retirement Home

#summervacay 📍 Attached to Kom Ombo Temple, Nile-side *"300+ taxidermied chaos-gods in glass boxes. 2,200-year-old reptiles judging your life choices. AC broke in 2019."* CORE IDENTITY Sobek’s Graveyard: 302 mummified crocs • Hatchlings to 5-meter monsters • All "devoured" by neglect, humidity, and flash photography. Contradictions: Sacred relics vs. dusty dioramas • "Preservation" vs. cracked snouts • Silent reverence vs. Russian TikTok dances. The Ultimate Irony: Priests once fed them honey-cakes • Now their descendants sell $1 plastic croc teeth outside. THE DESCENT (Into Reptilian Afterlife) Museum Entry Ritual: ⦿ Blinding Nile glare → dim tomb-chill (broken AC = 35°C) • Smell: Formaldehyde, decay, cheap perfume. ⦿ Soundtrack: Glass-tapping tourists • Guards yelling "NO FLASH!" • Drip from leaky ceiling onto mummy #47. Gallery Crawl: ⦿ Chronological suffering (Ptolemaic → Roman era) • "Educational" signs faded to ghosts • Baby crocs in jars like pickled gherkins. ⦿ Vibe Check: Sobek’s stone smirk at entrance • Mummy #101’s missing toe (stolen 2018). MUMMY TRIAGE (Survival Guide) Specimen Why It Haunts Pro Tip "The Patriarch" 4.8m beast • Gold-leaf claws Guard whispers: "His spirit bites at 3 PM" (great selfie lore) Hatchling Wall 42 babies in cloudy brine Bribe $2 → guard shines phone light for "cute" photo Roman Taxidermy Fail Stuffed croc → deflated soccer ball Point and laugh → guard joins you (distraction) Sobek’s Priest Mummified human + croc skin cloak Say "Praise Sobek" → guard nods (lets you linger) The Oozer (Mummy #29) Black sludge pooling in case Don’t lean on glass → "mummy juice" stains linen pants Strategy: Ticket Hack: Enter temple first → use "museum pass" loophole to skip separate line. Timing: 4–5 PM → cruise crowds vanish • Golden hour through skylights. Baksheesh: Tip $1 → guard "accidentally" unlocks info drawer (dusty 1970s excavation photos). GIFT SHOP WAR ZONE Thermal Punishment: 48°C at noon • "Souvenir" magnets melt onto racks. Vendor Tricks: ⦿ "Real mummy wrappings" = shredded linen + glue. ⦿ "Sobek blessed" croc tooth → $10 (check for "Made in China" microprint). Guard Rituals: Block exits until you buy something • "Free" map = $5 "donation". Escape Route: Duck behind "Living Crocs" pit → hidden Nile-view bench. HIDDEN TRUTHS Mummy Leaks: #29’s ooze is decomposed natron + lizard guts → smell lingers for days. Stolen Relics: Toes/claws vanish monthly → sold on Aswan black market. AC Tragedy: 2019 breakdown → crocs decay 10x faster than in desert tombs. Living Tributes: Nile crocs still sunbathe below museum → guards toss them raw chicken at dusk. Twilight Secret: 5:30 PM closing → last visitor gets "Sobek’s blessing" (guard spritzes you with Nile water). PRO TIPS (Mummy Raider Edition) Gear: Hand fan > brochure → battle formaldehyde heat-haze. Photo Hacks: Press phone to glass → negates reflections • #thepatriarch = most Instagrammable. Scent Survival: Vick Under Nose